Chapter 6

New Horizons

“A wider, sharper consciousness, a more profound understanding of our own existence, lies at our gates. But we are separated from it, we cannot assimilate it; except in abnormal moments, we hardly know that it is there.”

Evelyn Underhill, Practical Mysticism

I saw the horizon, but I didn’t see the light. I didn’t see God, but I did visit the place where God resides, I believe. It’s a deeper level of our mind. It’s the subconscious realm. It’s the source of our conscious mind, in my view. Like begets like. And our conscious mind returns unto the subconscious realm after the death of our physical body. Back to our source. Back to God.

The following experience occurred about twelve years prior to this writing. There were a couple of things leading up to it that triggered it, a couple of things going on in my life at the time. First, a person very dear to me had recently passed from this life. My sister Elaine. One of my younger sisters. We’d spent a lot of time together in our younger years. We made some music together. She had a beautiful alto voice and could sing incredible harmony. And even though I had worked as a hospice counselor for several years and had consoled others who had lost loved ones, I was grieving. I was struggling with it. And I was thinking about death, and reading about death, and true to my nature, I was even questioning my own beliefs.

That was one thing that was going on. The other thing was, that due to my work, I was in the daily routine of sleeping from about 4 AM till 10 AM then taking a nap in the afternoon. And when napping, I would typically fall asleep in the following manner— I would lie on my back with my eyes closed and slow down the flow of thoughts in my mind, striving simply to be aware, aware of my inner self, my inner being, which is meditation to me. It’s something I’ve done since my years in Atlanta, in some form. Then after a while I would typically drift into a brief sleep, have a quick dream, awaken, ponder the dream for a few moments, then start the process over. This would usually occur three or four times, then I would fall into a deep sleep for about an hour.

But on one occasion something quite different occurred. On one occasion, something very unexpected occurred. On that day I went through the same process, lying on my back, silencing my thoughts, being aware of my inner self, but then I immediately fell asleep. There were no dreams. There was a brief time I don’t recall, then gradually I began waking. In a sense. Very slowly I began waking to my conscious mind, but I was in a deeper level of my mind, although I didn’t realize that at first. I didn’t realize anything at first. My cognitive mind was dormant. At first there was just awareness, just me with no distractions. There was just being, although that included a certain seeing, but at first there was nothing to see. It was like being in a trance. Like being hypnotized, I think, although I’ve never been.

Then as the experience continued, I perceived a sense of space around me, although I still wasn’t able to think about it, or reflect on it. I could only perceive it, although I can still remember it. There was darkness in the distance and dim lighting where I was. Then after a while I could see a horizon in the distance, glowing faintly from a light that was shining beyond it, out of sight. I was gradually moving toward the horizon. I was gradually moving toward the light. It was a state of serenity. It was a state of clarity.

But it didn’t last long, because soon the silence was broken. Or shattered. Because suddenly from behind me, a voice calmly said to me— “This is what it’s like to be dead.” And in that moment, the meaning of those words didn’t have much impact because it was simply the sound of the words that jolted me out of my reverie and snapped me out of the trance. My cognitive mind was suddenly engaged. I was suddenly wide awake, although still in the inward realm. It was a rude awakening, then there was chaos. I was desperate to get my bearings, desperate to comprehend what was happening, but at the same time, I knew where I was. I knew I was in a deeper level of my mind. I recognized it as the place of dreams, but I wasn’t dreaming. It was an alternate state of being. A different dimension, which blew my mind, you might say, and caused me to start waking to the outer world.

Or more like traveling there, because that was a unique part of the experience also. It felt like the rush of riding on a jet plane as it’s taking off, except going backward. In reverse. It felt like I was being sucked back to the physical realm. Back to my room. Then suddenly there I was, lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, bewildered by what had just occurred.